It Came; It Went

Right. So I'm one more year older, and my three-day weekend went relatively quietly. Monday (my birthday) could've been better, really, but circumstances (as always) threw a wrench into things, and I just did what I could to enjoy what was left of a so-called "spa day" (read: lazy day). Man. One stinking day a year! Is that too much to ask? Jeebus.

Anyway, one thing I tried to do to celebrate my birthday was to go out for lunch with the hubby on Sunday, and while the food was good and the location was nice and comfy, I really wasn't into it. As in I wasn't in the right frame of mind to really enjoy the outing like I used to when I was younger. It almost seemed a chore to me, and I was too brain-foggy and somewhat sleepy to give a crap. I liked the food, of course, but conversation turned one-sided since I wasn't at all 100% there mentally and emotionally (see: brain fog and sleepiness). Andy had to take over the conversation while I satisfied myself with listening and dropping an occasional word or two -- and that was it from me. 

The thing is that this experience wasn't unique. I've been like this for a while now, where I really want to go out for a change of scenery or something, and when we do go, I end up disliking it because I couldn't get into it for whatever reason. Usually it's something like mental fatigue and almost like a physical draining. 

I wonder if that's my introversion expressing itself in extreme, which seemed to have started sometime in my 40s. I've always been repulsed by crowds and noise, but when I was much younger, I could manage both and sometimes could even find a bit of enjoyment from people-watching or something -- like sitting at a table, drinking or eating and simply watching folks walk around. Nowadays, I really would rather spend my weekends at home, where I'm comfortable and am able to really let go and enjoy quiet pursuits like writing and reading. Sometimes watching a show or a movie on Netflix. 

The world outside's moving quickly, and at times I don't recognize it anymore, but I'm still able to go with the flow, though at the same time, I can't be immersed in it like I used to. It's far too draining on a number of levels, and my birthday lunch this past weekend really made me face that truth. That said, it's not as though I'm doomed to live like a hermit for the rest of my life. I can still go out, but the only outdoor activity I've been able to enjoy is a quiet stroll with Andy somewhere. Somewhere near, by the way, so that we reach a certain distance before turning around and strolling back home. 

So, yeah -- it's kind of funny (tragi-comic?) how natural tendencies find a fuller or more extreme expression the older I get. I think you can only imagine how I took to the lockdowns when they happened in 2020. I LOVED IT. I loved the peace and quiet, and I loved the (enforced) down time. Mind you, I paid dearly for that when the world started moving forward again and places of business reopened, but until that moment, I was seriously blissed out. 

One thing I did do that left me all giddy and excited was write another round of postcards for swing states for the upcoming election. I'm down to the last page of names and addresses, and I've been pacing myself as it's very difficult not to get carried away once I'm on a roll. I've already hit up my sister for more work, and she'll be sending me a batch of cards for another state. Really looking forward to those!

And now regarding the side project I talked about before -- it's a no go. For real. I tried to put a bit of time into it on Monday, and it was excruciating. As I've noted, it's a challenge I gave myself, working on something that's way outside my comfort zone, and I've come to accept it's not me. It was great while it lasted, of course, not in terms of the quality of the work I managed to write, but the actual process of writing and what I got from it. However, it's a genre that I've never gotten a hang of writing, and while I can write SOME, I frankly can't write more fully. 

I can certainly incorporate some elements of it in my works-in-progress, but as a standalone book? Nuh-uh. It was painful, but I'm glad I challenged myself to do it, or I'll never know for sure. 

So with that in mind, I'm pretty happy where I am, simply focusing on gothic horror (dramatic and comedic), ghost stories, and dark fairy tales with a touch of gay romance (or a generous seasoning of, anyway). And I don't have to be distracted by something that'll throw me off my center or maybe even peripherally affect the way I write my WiP. I already have enough stories on my plate, anyway, and I should just keep my mind on them and nothing else, or shit won't get done.

Got Bitten Again!

I mean, good Christ, how many books do I have in the pipeline? Six? Okay, five and a spare since I'm now working on The Perfect Rochester, but I got my ass chomped again by another plotbunny. It's not a copycat story, but it's a story idea that got triggered by a classic. Mind you, I never read the book, but I did watch the movie adaptation back when I was a kid. It's on Youtube, and I had to watch it again. Much of it didn't age well, but there's a lot of potential for the creepy stuff, and I'm now wondering if a reboot of it would've done the story justice. 

Whether or not the events did happen is neither here nor there. I just find the concept of a deeply traumatic event somehow impressing itself into its environment and triggering hauntings under certain circumstances very, very fascinating. In this case, it's recycled parts of the wreckage that are haunted. So I've been toying with the seeds of a new story, which include a bit of playtime in the sandbox of book cover art. And now that I think about it, I've yet to write a book that's about such an event, and I really dig the idea because unlike what I've done so far, it's a passive haunting on the whole, but some residual intelligent haunting can still affect the outcome. 

Or something like that. Obviously I have to think about it some more, but that's the general idea.

If I do move forward with it, I already have a title for the book, but I'd rather not jinx myself or do something I'll end up regretting later (which usually results in me canceling the project and announcing that here with my tail between my legs). 

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In other news, I've been distracted by the recent Democratic National Convention, and while I couldn't watch the entire live broadcast because of work, I was able to catch up -- at least on some key speeches plus the wild roll call on day two -- via Youtube and Kamala Harris's official channel (no talking heads anywhere!). I'm still helping my sister out with the postcards to swing states, and I've already finished half the bundle she sent me and will be able to take care of the rest this weekend. She might be sending me more. I've already been to the site, and I saw that they're already backlogged with thousands of orders, and there might not be any left by the time they get to my name. It's worth a shot, anyway, but I've got my sister to help out no matter what. 

Today's the start of my three-day birthday weekend, so I've got a lot of writing on tap. Monday (my birthday) is set to be a quiet one with time spent on my side project to see where it'll take me. I'm actually now debating on whether or not to publish it under my main pseudonym (if it does get published), but as always, I'm jumping way ahead when I only have two chapters written. So as you can see, any time outside my day job, when not packed with chores and errands, is spent writing. I read when I'm done with the day's writing task as well, so all in all, my life isn't a particularly exciting one, I'm afraid.

Still Riding the Wave

Not much to report on my end, hence the longer than usual break between posts. Things have settled into a nice rhythm at the day job, especially where my commute's concerned, which is a godsend. What helped was the fact that my preferred bus line changed their schedule so that the bus I need to take back home now arrives at the train station at a more reasonable time. Anyway, that's all boring stuff on the whole, but it's made a world of difference to me, and I'm no longer looking for work closer to home. 

I've also been dipping into a side project that may or may not see the light of day, publishing-wise. I'm just doing it because I want to keep things a little interesting from my end, and tackling something that's way out of my comfort zone is (I hope) going to help keep the old writing joints properly greased. Not that they desperately need it right now since I've got enough book ideas for the next two years. 

This is more about me stretching myself, so to speak, and getting something good from the mental and creative exercise. 

Now if I do decide to publish it down the line, I'll mention it here. Another thing is that I'll also be using a different pseudonym if things went down that route. We shall see.

Positivity is all around me right now -- energetic, cautious, and determined. I'm talking about the upcoming elections here in the US, and I'm helping one of my sisters out in sending postcards to swing states. I've never done that before, and now's as good a time as any, and we've been texting each other excitedly over this. She just sent me my packet, having ordered 600 postcards, which she divided between the two of us. She even sent me the stamps, so bless her. I'll have to take her out to lunch sometime. 

After years of not visiting for a variety of reasons, I'm back to checking out some of my favorite political sites like Joe My God (I forgot I still have a Disqus account, which I had to dust off, so I could participate in threads though I'm really back to just liking comments and lurking).  Being a childless cat lady (child-free in some circles since I chose not to have kids because I never felt the maternal need), I'm fully buoyed by what's happening around me and elsewhere in the world. So I'm riding the wave of hope but am still keeping my eyes wide open so I can fight tooth and nail for this country's soul. 

That's that for now. Hope to come back later this weekend for more meandering blather.

And She's Off! Plus Updates on an Update (You Know the Drill)

Okay! Two chapters done for The Perfect Rochester, and I'm cozily back in Nightshade heaven. Give me dry, dark humor, please! I love writing the stuff, and while I know it's not everyone's cuppa, I still enjoy working on it. At any rate, it's great to be getting inside Narcisse's head this time around. 

You'll also have to excuse me as I post more and more songs that make it into the book's playlist as they're all very chirpy, which is the mood I'm aiming for in this book from start to finish. Unlike Nightshade's Emporium, which has a bit of an angsty edge since the focus is on Viktor and his role as (peaceful) Death (it does end happily for all involved), The Perfect Rochester is happy all the way through though I'm sure Narcisse won't appreciate having his romantic drama made light of. 

At any rate, yeah! We're on it, and I'm looking forward to spending the coming Fall Season finishing and polishing this book for next year's release. Oh, fuck it, lemme post a second video. I'm just in that mood, y'know?

And as a final note, regarding the calendar situation I posted about last time...

We're moving forward with the calendar as is because I finally wrangled Compline into submission, and we now have a solid plot to work with. We'll be back to a classic ghost story there, and it'll be Victorian (as you can only expect from me when I write something historical) -- however, I can still change my mind to something else entirely at least in terms of setting. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, which won't be for a while.

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And to double back to the subject of music, I've been culling my downloaded songs in my phone and buying songs that go beyond just stuff that I listened to and enjoyed. Given my family's recent losses of my youngest nephew and then my oldest sister, so many things I used to take for granted now demand special attention. Gone are the songs that I bought because my interest in them were more spontaneous but not really lasting in terms of impact. 

All of the songs I'm now keeping are a mix from my childhood (songs I grew up listening to and have a very, very deep connection with via happy memories when my family was still together), my adolescence (my coming-of-age soundtrack, if you will), and a handful of random songs from more recent memory that also managed to sink their nails into my gut and have affected me on a deeper level. I've also added tracks from either TV series (Inspector Morse, UFO, Miss Marple, among others) or films (Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, Bram Stoker's Dracula, etc.) that have also established a connection with me in some way or other. 

I guess I've reached that part of my life where I'm no longer looking too far forward and am relearning how to appreciate and value the present. And I do find that I'm happier that way, and it's a weird state of mind to be in for longer stretches of time. Given how down my mood's been since the start of the pandemic, it's been a real struggle trying to find a handhold again so I could hoist myself back up and on my feet, so feeling upbeat and hopeful again seems so foreign. And I find listening to music that have a much deeper meaning than just momentary enjoyment (cherished memories from my past, both distant and recent) does it for me. 

Mind you, reading books is still up there in terms of the value they add to the quality of my life day after day. That'll never change. It's just that those heavy losses my family endured are helping me find my way back though I hate the fact this journey needed a push from the deaths of loved ones. Memories and music -- that's what it's all about.

Anyway, yeah. Onward and upwards, as always. Onward and upwards.

Done and Dusted -- Now On to the Next

Voices in the Briars is now done, all final polishing and so on taken care of, and the file's already set up for pre-order at Books2Read. And a big WHEW! to that. I'm getting myself ready for the next book to work on, but I'm giving myself the last Sunday of this month to just chill and take care of myself -- even if it still means I get up at 2:30. Insane schedule, I know, but that's what I follow throughout the work week.

At any rate, keeping to that wake up time even on the weekend has benefited me considerably when it comes to writing, so I guess I'll attribute whatever success I have in getting books written and done (though not necessarily sold) to my torturous hustle-your-butt-out-of-bed alarm set up. 

I've started getting into the zone for The Perfect Rochester, and to get into the right headspace, I'm putting together a playlist -- even choosing a "theme song" for the book. And THIS song, in particular, captures the mood of the book all the way through, so I'm making this the theme song. It's fun, it's sassy, and perfect for Narcisse's adventures in finding Mr. Right.*

As a bit of a heads up, there might be a shifting around of books on my calendar. So far I've managed to follow what I had listed for 2023 and 2024, and The Perfect Rochester is set to mark the start of my 2025 publishing calendar. That said, what follows after that book might be shuffled around a bit, largely because Compline hit a bit of a snag in the brainstorming stage, and now I'm faced with way too many options on how to approach this book. And I don't like having too many choices. A couple, sure. More than a couple? No. 

This could be me overthinking things as always, and what I usually do when I find myself in that position is to set the book aside, move it around on the calendar, and allow books with more solid plots to leapfrog ahead of it. It's annoying -- not gonna lie. I'm one of those who sets a plan for myself, and I'll stick to that plan come hell or high water, but more often than not, that mindset comes back to take a massive chomp out of my ass. 

And this is where I stop and remind myself: ADAPT OR DIE. Nothing will turn out good if I insist on pushing at a brick wall. So if -- and that's a big IF -- I do mess around with the calendar, The Twilight Lover will jump ahead of Compline, and with any luck, that's the extent of the change. But as always, I'll be posting about any final shifts when they happen. 

* gotta add: it's also ironic (but no spoilers here)